Welcome Back

I guess we need to clear the air about something. I know that two years is a long time to be gone without an explanation, and I don't expect you to believe everything I am saying, but I promise it is true. I am not going to give you the typical "it's not you, it's me" line because I don't want to lie; it wasn't just me, it was kinda you.

I know that you want to know the "why" it happened. This whole world is full of people asking "why, why, why" and saying things like "the truth will set you free" when really, the answers often hurt, especially the real ones. Since I promised to tell you the truth, I am not going to tell you the "why" for your own sake - believe me, you are better off not knowing. But I will tell you the "what" - I know I owe you that at least. The "when" should already be established, but it you can't remember, see the second sentence of this entry.

Sometimes, people get mixed up in activities which can make it feel they are powerless - like a force of nature is pushing and pulling them in some direction they would normally never go in. That is what this was like - it was a friggin' hurricane that has the magical powers to turn you into an automaton. I am warning now that you probably won't believe me.

OK for the last two years, I was on Facebook.

See - you don't believe me. Well here is the proof:

No, I did not Photoshop that image, I was really on Facebook! It just sucked me in with its exhaustive need for micromanagement of mundane details. And all the games . . . all of those game requests that needed to be closed out - it took me forever. People laying their emotions out for their whole world to see. It made me into some kind of emotion-vampire, leeching off all of those highs and lows and always hungry for the next dose. It was just there - I was weak, and it was there.

What? So what if I don't have any friends on Facebook? I had one at first but it was just too much for me to manage our relationship while taking care of all of these other things so I had to drop him. It is just this brilliant multi-faceted diamond that is blinding but fascinating at the same time, no matter which angle faces you. But like a diamond can burn (if it is heated up) so can Facebook, and yes I was burned. Something was posted today - it still hurts too much to say what it was - and all that trust I built up over two years was irrevocably shattered. OK it really doesn't hurt to say what is was - I think it was a picture of a stranger's vagina.

So now I'm back. Hopefully a bit stronger and wiser than before. And I wanted to say I'm sorry - for everything. Can't we just turn it back and have things be like they used to before all the craziness? Can we still be friends - for Tucson's sake?

We can? Cool - why don't you friend me at www.facebook.com